Birthdays
For the passed few years my birthday has not always been the day it’s usually reserved to be. Typically your birthday should be spent with friends and family in a sort of fun spirited celebration.
Your 21st birthday is day that almost any one that isn’t edge usually looks forward to. I was one of those typical people waiting for that day. Of course this didn’t mark the first time I ever drank. Like any underage adolescent I’ve had my experiences with alcohol well prior to my 21st. Well my 21st started with a bit of tragedy.
A few weeks prior a friend of mine at that time (not anymore) had the absolutely horrific lose of his mother. A good woman who went far to early. Well low and behold her funeral is made to be on my birthday. Of course this isn’t anyone’s fault and I’m not blaming anyone, it just sucks to have to start your birthday with a funeral. All be it the rest of the day went by fine you still don’t want to be mourning anyone’s death on your birthday.
My 22nd was rather uneventful as I went to a show with a few friends, but then my 23rd rolled around. I woke up feeling a little congested but during the winter I have the tendency to have that on a lot of mornings. So I got up and went to work. As the morning went on I started not really feeling well. Coughing, sneezing, sore throat, the works. Topped of by the seemingly lack of people wishing me a Happy Birthday. One friend at work wished me one and it was followed by other employees that heard him. A phone call or 2 came in but some people that I expected to hear from were absent with their wishes. Well I ended up leaving work early and going to the doctor’s office to be told I had an upper respiratory infection. The nurses and doctor all felt absolutely horrible after asking my birth date to check their records only realizing that today was my birthday and hear I was sick and in the doctor’s. A birthday I wanted to forget really soon.
And last year I was determined to have a good birthday starting off with playing a show the night before at Backbone Music. A few friends had told me they would be coming to hang out and watch so I was super excited. Moments before we started I walked around the inside and outside of the store looking for any signs of anyone. I saw no one. I went inside feeling completely alone and I picked up the mic. I absolutely ravaged my voice that night putting out so much emotion and pain. One person there said it was the most passionate they had ever seen me perform.
Then on the day itself I went to work barely able to talk. Having to whisper to everyone at the office and customers on the phone. Luckily they let me leave early being my birthday. I went home and just sat around waiting to go to dinner with my family. I was a really nice dinner at Saito’s Hibachi and I was pleased with that. Also this year more people gave me calls to wish me a Happy Birthday which was nice but I was still ultimately upset about the night prior. I did nothing that night as no one seemed that interested in doing anything so I called it a night early and went to bed.
I have been honestly dreading today for quite sometime. With just the way life has been handing me disappointment after disappointment I just had a feeling that this year would be one different from any other year. I made plans for dinner tomorrow with a few really close friends and then a night of drinking. But today is the day itself and it already has started off a little on a bad foot. Talking to a friend last night who was crying and upset somehow turned around eventually to my problems I have been dealing with and led to me crying at 12:07 am on December 20, 2007. What a way to start my day. I was reminded of what I miss and what I can’t have but what I want to have so badly, not that it’s not on my mind a lot already. I will try to get through today alright. I look forward to hearing birthday wishes from my family and friends and hold on to a little wish that maybe will come true. Probably won’t but I can wish can’t I? And hopefully make it to tomorrow and have a nice time with my closest of friends.
