When it Rains it Pours
It’s been a little longer than I would have liked since my last blog. I was absolutely intending on researching a topic I was given by someone to write about but then life got in the way.
Due to all the brush fires here in Florida and the smoke that travels with it my allergies have been bothering me lately, a lot last week. This caused me to break off plans with a friend of mine and then get called a “flake” because of it. Always lovely to not be believed when are you aren’t feeling good. Oh but I only wish that was the end of my horrible day that day. A mere hour or so later I was called and told that my last remaining grandparent, my grandma, had passed away. While yes she had taken a turn for the worse in the days previous to that and we kind of expected it it was still upsetting. A call to a person that normally makes me feel better when I’m down was futile as she was busy and didn’t call me back.
The next day didn’t go much better as I was just still beat up about the whole situation. I took offense to somethings said about my friend and stuck up for him. It only made things worse as people became pissed off at me for just sticking up for a friend. I apologized for how childish I was because I was just in a horrid mood but it seems to have fallen on deaf ears.
The entire trip to PA I felt like I was in a daze, yes I did drink a lot and that may account for some of it. My mind and heart were racing a mile a minute every moment of the day. I stood at the funeral just wishing that she was there to hold my hand and tell me that everything is going to be alright. I laid in bed or on a couch each night just wishing she would call me or text me. I walked around Peddler’s Village seeing Marilyn Monroe memorabilia and little Irish trinkets that I wanted to buy and give to her. I felt emptier than I have ever felt in my life. I was so sad and depressed that I couldn’t even cry. I tried believe me.
I’ve come back to Florida and it just continues still. I have to work this weekend and it doesn’t even bother me like it normally would. I had no desires that I wanted to move back up there but then don’t even feel at home here. I wish I had something to show me a way. Maybe just a hint.
I have made mistakes in my life and it’s like she punishes me so much for making a mistake. Like I’m suppose to be perfect. I’ll be the first to admit I’m not. I make my apologies but I don’t know if anyone believes me. Yet when people make mistakes towards me I’m always willing to forgive but no one even seems they need to apologize. What has happened to mankind? What has happened to kindness? Am I a dying breed?
