Mike Jurewicz’s Blog

I think the title says it all. I’m going to put bands on a plane in this entry. But the big twist is that the plane is doomed. It’s going to crash and this time no Lynyrd Skynyrd or Randy Rhoads are going to be on it. And this is all figuratively and not personal. I have nothing against most of these bands personally, I just can’t stand their music. I don’t wish actual harm upon them.

So now board Flight 666 to 4 acres of concrete.

• Steve Miller Band - I love classic rock but I absolutely can’t stand this band. It just feels like they are trying so hard to be stoner, experimental rock but just fail miserably. The are the bastard step brothers or Pink Floyd and the Dead. Anytime I hear an opening riff to a song by them I immediately change the channel. I actually almost shot myself in the face when one time I changed the classic rock station I was listening to from a song of theirs to the other classic rock station and got smacked in the head by another Steve Miller song.
• Styx - Another “classic rock” band and I use that lightly. These guys are the farthest thing from rock that I have seen from that era. I want to blame this band for almost all bubble gum pop that has since come out. Hearing “IIIIIIII’M SAAAAAILING AWAY!” makes me want to take shots of Jack and go on a spree of slashing tired and throwing infants at Palm Tran buses.
• Korn - While yes I was a fan on them back in my high school days I have grown up and realized just how much this band poisons the earth. These guys must not have gotten the memo that Nu Metal is dead and that we are putting cover letters on all TPS reports. A guitarist left and became a huge Jesus freak. I was hoping he would have drowned in that river he got baptized in. The drummer left and they truck on. The get a new drummer and a new guitarist but they don’t even allow the guitarist to stand on stage with them during shows!!?? How egotistical do you have to be? Not giving up is usually a good trait but I have never begged so much for someone to please, please quit.
• ICP - Not really a band because you have to play instruments to be called one but nonetheless. They rap about nonsense that of course teens with nothing better to do can relate to and give them a reason to paint their faces and drink high sugared soft drinks. And when they aren’t making a mockery of hip hop they are shitting on pro wrestling by stepping foot in rings and even starting their own promotion. I watched a video of Jim Cornette rip them new ones when they interrupted an interview he was giving and it was great. And while I’m at it I would like to put the silly hatchet guy logo on the plane too. I know you can’t really kill a logo but I would love nothing more than to not have to see some fucking girl at a gas station or grocery store with that damn thing tattooed on their tit or arm of forehead.
• Almost all quasi hardcore/metalcore/emo bands - That shit got so ridiculously out of control. You had a new flavor of the week band popping up every….well week. Lots of these bands were filled with kids who couldn’t have been playing a guitar more than 6 months and jumped straight to dropped tunings before ever attempting to play in standard. Add this with horrible song structure including overdone breakdowns that seem to last a fortnight and “crucial” sing alongs. I’m also going to add in wearing skin tight girl jeans, which is okay if you have a vagina, and wearing make up, which again is okay if you have a vagina. Hey thanks for ruining heavy music and making it impossible to find a group of people that want to play good heavy music and not care about success or image. Good job guys!
• Disturbed - I always find it funny when people making fun of screaming for not being able to understand them when the lead singer of Disturbed just straight up says things that are not words at all. His rapping monkey vocals make me continually think we are de-evolving and are that much closer to making Mike Judge’s movie Idiocracy become real life. These guys took nu metal and mixed it with leather pants and studs of the hair metal days and added dumb looking labret piercings to top it off. He needs to either sign a promissory note that he will never sing again or needs to have his lips pierced shut.
• Bob Rock - Technically known more as a producer but is a musician. Rock’s claim to fame is producing all Metallica albums from the Black Album up to St. Anger, he also played bass on the last album. Anyone that knows Metallica knows those were the worst albums for the band. Metallica lost their edge and some absolutely shitty songs came out of their sessions with Rock. I mean they wrote a sequel to a song for fuck’s sake. While yes Lars was probably a douche before he met Rock, Rock single handedly brought one of the best metal bands of the time to their knees and turned them into a warehouse for singles and less than stellar musicianship.
• Godsmack - These guys not only play absolutely horrid music but Sully is possibly the biggest egomaniac on the earth. I think he truly believes he is a rock god. I read an interview with him a year or two ago where the person conducting the interview just ripped into Sully. He called him a hypocrite for his views on the war and the troops. He continually trips over his own words and keeps digging himself deeper. His treatment of CKY while on tour with the Deftones was grade A dick. And when I heard their cover of Zeppelin’s “Good Times Bad Times” I wished that I had cancer in a bottle to spray on every person in might before turning it on myself. You can read the interview by going here.

Well that’s it for this piece hope you got a good laugh. I definitely did and a little angry. I hope I don’t see any babies today.