Travel Channel has this show on now called America’s Worst Driver.  I can’t say I have ever watched it because I have to live with real life contestants every day.  Every time I go out to drive somewhere I feel like I have to stop by my parents’ house to kiss them and say goodbye because it could seriously be my last time seeing them.

I’ve been pretty much up and down the eastern seaboard and never seen such reckless and just flat out stupid driving maneuvers as I do down here.  And believe me it isn’t just excessive speeding.  Here are some of the things I have seen just this past week.

• Someone cut 3 lanes of traffic on I-95 without a blinker or braking to get off at an exit.
• Flashed the high beams for going the speed limit in a residential neighborhood.
• A left hand turn made from a straight lane.

And you know the worst thing of this?  It’s fucking addictive!  I have caught myself make stupid decisions plenty of times and I like to think I’m a pretty good driver.  I stop and say to myself “What the fuck was I just thinking there?”  A couple years ago when I was visiting Pennsylvania I noticed how much the driving down here has consumed me as I found myself driving like an asshole on 95 up there.  Again I was taken back by my actions as I rolled down my window and apologized to the city of Philadelphia.  I think they accepted it.

I know people are quick to blame the old people down here for it.  While yes they drive extremely slow in their boats of cars and park in the occasional lake it isn’t just them.  It is everyone.  It’s teens, middle aged people and foreigners alike.  I have no idea how many minivans with kids in them I see just weaving their way through traffic.  You deserve your kids being taken away from you.  And that sort of thing coming from me is a big deal.

So what the fuck is it that causes this here?  Is it the extreme heat?  Can’t be, there is heat everywhere and not everyone feels the need die in fiery wreaks.  The water?  While the water is bad here it shouldn’t have any hallucinogenic effects on people to believe that other cars are mutated aliens from Saturn that can only be stopped by applying your bumper to them at high rates of speed.  I just don’t know and that pisses me off more.  I hate not knowing why something is the way it is.

So while I guess I’m going to have to deal with that as the reason for now I leave you  saying this.  Get your head or whatever it is that you have up your ass out of you asses and drive responsibly people.  Otherwise when I finally get the grasp of that Force push you all are going down.