Yesterday I was driving to work after having a four day weekend.  So right there you should be able to tell that I was not in a good mood.  And as I was driving I came to a stop at a red light just behind a Toyota Prius.  And as I glared at this machine in all it’s glorious stupidity I was blown away by the bumper sticker that I saw.  I was so in shock that I didn’t even think to take a picture of it.  My searches of the internet did not find the exact sticker but one pretty close.  So here it is.

The one that I saw said exactly “My car $tarve$ terrorists.  Does yours?”  So it added even more “cleverness” by adding those money signs in there.  So let’s try, emphasis on try, to break this down.

The main driving point of this oh so well made statement is that the Prius uses less gas and therefore hurts oil companies.  Considering gas stations are still going to buy and sell gas whether you think you need less of it or not you really aren’t hurting the big oil companies.  In a way you are making them stronger.

Remember that stupid chain letter that went out a few years ago that said if every person in America didn’t buy gas on a specific day it would lead to gas prices going down?  Yeah well that was a piece of crap because if everyone actually did do that it would make the oil companies raise their prices, then the gas stations raise their prices to make up for that and you get screwed more than Jenna Jameson in her hey day.

Hybrid owners actually think they are saving money too because they don’t have to pump a lot of gas.  Well considering that the average Prius costs between $28,000 and $34,000 as opposed to my Nissan Frontier that only cost me $17,000 it will take you probably about 30 years of having the Prius before your gas purchases and the purchase price of the car come close to evening out.

And then you are saying that you are hurting “terrorists” by using less gas.  I’m assuming by terrorists you are talking about Middle Eastern countries that produce oil.  Well how about this hippie?  Forty percent of the oil used for gas in this country is from (drum roll please) America!  Specifically Texas, Alaska and California if you want to know.  That is the largest amount of oil we receive from a single country.  And guess who the next two countries that we receive the most oil from?  Well those are our neighbors to the north and south in Canada and Mexico.

So I guess you are calling us Americans, Canadians and Mexicans all terrorists.  You continue the stereotype of all Americans as ignorant fucks that don’t know the real news about anything.

And lastly the actual use of the word terrorists is absolutely and down right racist.  Assuming you are referring to people of oil producing countries in the Middle East you are stereotyping an entire group of people who have little to no hand in actual organized terrorism.  And if you think you are so right for passing judgement on someone like that I will go ahead and do it to you.

You are an ignorant, uneducated asshole.  You deserve to be classified with hillbillies, rednecks, hicks and any other people that come from inbred families to where they believe that anyone that is different is the enemy.  You don’t deserve to vote because you can’t understand the causes without being moronically biased.  You should never reproduce because you will continue to pass on dumb from generation to generation.  And you should not even be allowed near the generally public to try to poison our young minds with propaganda and nonsense that will just keep this trend continuing.

So you see you aren’t clever or funny for having this bumper sticker.  You probably aren’t even getting it to try to be funny.  You have it because you honestly believe it.  You really think you are better than all other people that drive regular gasoline (or petrol for our Brit friends) cars.  You think you are saving the environment from the big bad evil oil corps of this world.  And even worse you believe that you are hurting “terrorists” by having this stupid car when actually these evil doers you speak of are America, Canada and Mexico.  You are nothing but a pretentious and racist snob.

Yeah so after a few weeks of anger at the lack of participation in the Tournament of Really Awesome Stuff Fighting it Out to the Death I have decided to cancel it.  And it’s all your fault.  Needless to say the fighters are very sad.  The bear is nearly inconsolable.  I’ve tried hugs, fresh meat and even flowers and candy.  I think he may have to be put down if he doesn’t get better.

So I guess my match making days of death matches are over and it’s just back to complaining about random shit.

You win interwebs, this time.

Okay so I didn’t do the 3rd match up yesterday because of a combination of being too tired from the major drinking party the night before and because both of the first two matches ended in draws.  The second only had 2 votes.

Come on people!

I will be opening the tie breaking votes later on and you better do better this time around.  Just saying.