Mike Jurewicz’s Blog

It’s been a little longer than I would have liked since my last blog.  I was absolutely intending on researching a topic I was given by someone to write about but then life got in the way.

Due to all the brush fires here in Florida and the smoke that travels with it my allergies have been bothering me lately, a lot last week.  This caused me to break off plans with a friend of mine and then get called a “flake” because of it.  Always lovely to not be believed when are you aren’t feeling good.  Oh but I only wish that was the end of my horrible day that day.  A mere hour or so later I was called and told that my last remaining grandparent, my grandma, had passed away.  While yes she had taken a turn for the worse in the days previous to that and we kind of expected it it was still upsetting.  A call to a person that normally makes me feel better when I’m down was futile as she was busy and didn’t call me back.

The next day didn’t go much better as I was just still beat up about the whole situation.  I took offense to somethings said about my friend and stuck up for him.  It only made things worse as people became pissed off at me for just sticking up for a friend.  I apologized for how childish I was because I was just in a horrid mood but it seems to have fallen on deaf ears.

The entire trip to PA I felt like I was in a daze, yes I did drink a lot and that may account for some of it.  My mind and heart were racing a mile a minute every moment of the day.  I stood at the funeral just wishing that she was there to hold my hand and tell me that everything is going to be alright.  I laid in bed or on a couch each night just wishing she would call me or text me.  I walked around Peddler’s Village seeing Marilyn Monroe memorabilia and little Irish trinkets that I wanted to buy and give to her.  I felt emptier than I have ever felt in my life.  I was so sad and depressed that I couldn’t even cry.  I tried believe me.

I’ve come back to Florida and it just continues still.  I have to work this weekend and it doesn’t even bother me like it normally would.  I had no desires that I wanted to move back up there but then don’t even feel at home here.  I wish I had something to show me a way.  Maybe just a hint.

I have made mistakes in my life and it’s like she punishes me so much for making a mistake.  Like I’m suppose to be perfect.  I’ll be the first to admit I’m not.  I make my apologies but I don’t know if anyone believes me.  Yet when people make mistakes towards me I’m always willing to forgive but no one even seems they need to apologize.  What has happened to mankind?  What has happened to kindness?  Am I a dying breed?

I’ve been trying to think of stuff to write about lately but I guess I’m drawing a blank. I want to do some rants or reviews. I know some of my friends like it when I go off on rants about things that bug me. So here is where you come in.

- Send me an email at mike@mikejurewicz.com
- Give me an idea of what you want me to rant about or review or just in general talk about. (Movies, music, TV, politics, food, celebrities, blah blah blah, etc.)
- If it is music or something you want me to read please include a link to where I can find it.
- I will include your name in the post. If you don’t want it please just say so.

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I was never a big reader. I just couldn’t get myself to sit down and just read a book for enjoyment. I think I blame schooling for that because we are always forced to read a bunch of things that do not interest us so the thought of reading just made me almost automatically think it wasn’t going to be any good.

I remember in grade school the only book I actually enjoyed reading that I was made to read was The Outsiders. At the time of reading it I didn’t even know there was a movie based on it and after seeing the movie I felt the book was better. But there were many other books I was forced to read that just had no impact on me.

When in high school I read a few books for my enjoyment including The Godfather and Do Black Patent Leather Shoes Really Reflect Up? I read The Godfather before seeing the movie and thought it was great read, mostly because of my infatuation for the Mafia. The later of the two, with one of the longest names for a book I’ve see, is about a young man growing up in a Catholic household and and going to Catholic school. These were all things that I could relate with having done it myself.

For a long time after that I really didn’t read anything other than magazines or the newspaper but a few months ago I bought myself Stephan Colbert’s book I am America (And So Can You) and really enjoyed it. This prompted me to go out and buy some more books. Now I really enjoy reading, I like being able to imagine how I think the characters would look and sound. It is just like watching a movie but one that you cast.

Here is what I am currently reading and what I intent on reading.

Currently Reading:
- Blood and Honor: Inside the Scarfo Mob, the Mafia’s Most Violent Family by George Anastatia - A story about the bloody rise and fall of “Little” Nicky Scarfo and the Philadelphia Mob. Anastaia along with former wiseguy Nick “the Crow” Caramandi, now in the witness protection program, paint a violent series of events starting with the killing of the Don Angelo Bruno to Scarfo’s rise and overall paranoia over being knocked off. I’m not done with this yet because the book is so very long and it has just taken awhile to complete.
- Valis by Philip K. Dick - I’ll admit that my interest in reading this book came from the TV show Lost where Locke provides it to Ben to read while imprisoned in his basement. I have only just begun the book and so far really like where it is going. The main character, Horselover Fat, is also the narrator but telling the story in third person to try to find a better perspective of his problems. Fat is a drug user and is trying to find something meaningful in his life. I love how sometimes he breaks into first person only to correct himself or pretend like he is a completely separate person who is a friend of Fat’s.

Going to Read:
- A Lion’s Tale: Around the World in Spandex by Chris Jericho and Peter Thomas Fornatale - If you know me then you know I am a big wrestling mark (fan) and Chris Jericho is one of the best wrestling minds in pro wrestling history.
- The Last Gangster by George Anastasia - Another book about the Philadelphia mob except post Scarfo era. It is about an informant that gets himself into the mob to help the police and federal prosecutors bring down the organization.

Well to just say I was somewhat let down for my birthday again this year. Sure Lane and Chris hung out with me all night and I love those two for all they do for me but it sucks when you really want to see someone in particular and they let you down. But not even a let down that they said they couldn’t come but a let down that they didn’t even call to say they weren’t coming. To top it all off I didn’t even get an apology for it. I don’t ask for much I think and I just wanted one night that I could spend with the most important people in my life. And it sucks to think that a person that I would do anything for can’t even make an hour or two in their life for me anymore. I use to matter and be important to them but all of a sudden I’m not.

What happened? What did I do so wrong that my friendship let alone love for this person doesn’t even matter. Every time I ask to hang out my request is ignored, I am given some excuse or just straight out lied to. I sometimes think that the only way they would actually come and see me is if I was in a hospital bed dying. Pretty sad I know but they have seemingly taken a wonderful and caring friendship and thrown it away. I have no apparent meaning to them. They are doing to me now what she watched happen to their cousin not to long ago.

I don’t know what hurts more, not getting attention from the person I love with all my heart or being completely ignored by someone I consider one of my best friends. They are both occurring and by the same person. I have never been given a reason why this is happening despite my cries for answers. I am always given the usual “you didn’t do anything” explanation which seems so far from the truth. I have lost a good amount of friends over the years. Mostly because I decided I didn’t want their friendship any longer for reasons such as selfishness, greed and just being down right shitty people. I got down my friends to the essential people in my life. It’s not many people but it’s the people I trust the most. It’s the people that I feel that I can go to whenever I need help. I hate thinking that not only does she not love me but seemingly doesn’t even care about our friendship or me as a person at that.

Well on a different topic I had this dream a few days ago where someone was trying to kill one of my friends but while trying to do that accidentally killed 2 of my other friends.  Through the dream I never know who did it or why they were trying to kill the friend.  But last night I seemed to have had part 2 of the dream.  I was driving with someone who then told me it was them who was trying to kill my friend and that the 2 that they actually killed were not meant to die but got in the way.  I flipped out on the person and they just continued driving without any emotion.  They then pulled up to a house and got out of the car and went up to the trunk of the car parked in front of us.  They opened the trunk and pull out a gun and pointed it at me.  This is when I woke up.  I was scared shitless.  Just thought it was really odd and wanted to write about it.

Well I have to work this weekend and am on call the entire two days so if someone needs help at 3 am I have to help them.  Sucks yeah but I get a 4 day weekend following that.  But overall I am just so down.  I can’t stop thinking about this person and how I don’t seem to matter to them anymore and for no apparent reason.  I don’t know what to do or say anymore.  I had been thinking about postponing my move but now I feel like I definitely have to do it.  I don’t know.

For the passed few years my birthday has not always been the day it’s usually reserved to be. Typically your birthday should be spent with friends and family in a sort of fun spirited celebration.

Your 21st birthday is day that almost any one that isn’t edge usually looks forward to. I was one of those typical people waiting for that day. Of course this didn’t mark the first time I ever drank. Like any underage adolescent I’ve had my experiences with alcohol well prior to my 21st. Well my 21st started with a bit of tragedy.

A few weeks prior a friend of mine at that time (not anymore) had the absolutely horrific lose of his mother. A good woman who went far to early. Well low and behold her funeral is made to be on my birthday. Of course this isn’t anyone’s fault and I’m not blaming anyone, it just sucks to have to start your birthday with a funeral. All be it the rest of the day went by fine you still don’t want to be mourning anyone’s death on your birthday.

My 22nd was rather uneventful as I went to a show with a few friends, but then my 23rd rolled around. I woke up feeling a little congested but during the winter I have the tendency to have that on a lot of mornings. So I got up and went to work. As the morning went on I started not really feeling well. Coughing, sneezing, sore throat, the works. Topped of by the seemingly lack of people wishing me a Happy Birthday. One friend at work wished me one and it was followed by other employees that heard him. A phone call or 2 came in but some people that I expected to hear from were absent with their wishes. Well I ended up leaving work early and going to the doctor’s office to be told I had an upper respiratory infection. The nurses and doctor all felt absolutely horrible after asking my birth date to check their records only realizing that today was my birthday and hear I was sick and in the doctor’s. A birthday I wanted to forget really soon.

And last year I was determined to have a good birthday starting off with playing a show the night before at Backbone Music. A few friends had told me they would be coming to hang out and watch so I was super excited. Moments before we started I walked around the inside and outside of the store looking for any signs of anyone. I saw no one. I went inside feeling completely alone and I picked up the mic. I absolutely ravaged my voice that night putting out so much emotion and pain. One person there said it was the most passionate they had ever seen me perform.

Then on the day itself I went to work barely able to talk. Having to whisper to everyone at the office and customers on the phone. Luckily they let me leave early being my birthday. I went home and just sat around waiting to go to dinner with my family. I was a really nice dinner at Saito’s Hibachi and I was pleased with that. Also this year more people gave me calls to wish me a Happy Birthday which was nice but I was still ultimately upset about the night prior. I did nothing that night as no one seemed that interested in doing anything so I called it a night early and went to bed.

I have been honestly dreading today for quite sometime. With just the way life has been handing me disappointment after disappointment I just had a feeling that this year would be one different from any other year. I made plans for dinner tomorrow with a few really close friends and then a night of drinking. But today is the day itself and it already has started off a little on a bad foot. Talking to a friend last night who was crying and upset somehow turned around eventually to my problems I have been dealing with and led to me crying at 12:07 am on December 20, 2007. What a way to start my day. I was reminded of what I miss and what I can’t have but what I want to have so badly, not that it’s not on my mind a lot already. I will try to get through today alright. I look forward to hearing birthday wishes from my family and friends and hold on to a little wish that maybe will come true. Probably won’t but I can wish can’t I? And hopefully make it to tomorrow and have a nice time with my closest of friends.

I’ve made attempts at doing this type of stuff before but I want to seriously use it this time around. I’ll be making at least one blog a week about stuff ranging from music, movies, news, wrestling, etc.

If you’re interested in hearing what I have to say then stick around for more to come.