Way to go boys! And if you have no idea what is going on then you are a terrorist. Nuff said!

I know this isn’t the most recent news out there but Chuck Norris has stopped taking his meds, and it is not looking good.  The man is in belief of Obama trying to make a “one world order” that would take money away from our country and give it to third world countries.

And as if that delusion isn’t enough he and his wife are fighting to try to have Bible studies in public schools.  Um Chuck?  Haven’t you heard of a little thing called Separation of Church and State?  You haven’t?  Oh so what about private schools?  You certainly have heard of them I assume.  These types of schools usually have some sort of Bible study or religion classes.  If you are so concerned with kids “learning” about the Bible then pony up and pay for them to go to private school your damn self.

So with these recent events that make Chuck no longer look like the manly icon that he was across the internet for so long I think a new hero is needed.  Someone new to take the reigns of the internet community and not leave us disappointed.  For this position I can think of only one man, Lou Ferrigno.

Now you might be asking yourself, “Why Lou Ferrigno?”  Well I’m glad you asked because I was all set to explain why.

First off he’s American.  Just like Chuck Norris, this is a necessity as Americans embody all that is bad ass.  Lou can eat red, white and blue crayons (they still make the white ones right?) and shit out an American flag.  Don’t ask where the cloth comes from.  He’s Lou Ferrigno.

Secondly and lastly, he’s the fucking Hulk!  You piss that man off and he doesn’t need a third fist behind his beard.  He turn green, wears ripped up clothes and fucks peoples’ days up.

Ladies and gentleman of the interwebs.  I give to you our new savior.  Lou Ferrigno!

As with every year that E3 comes around there are some major announcements about new games or consoles or some ground breaking technology in gaming.  While this year a lot has been centered around games like Gears of War 3, the new Call of Duty, Halo: Reach and the all new revolution Kinect there were two specific games that caught me.

I’ve been hooked on the kingdom of Albion like many before me were hooked on Hyrule.  The Fable games were straight up fun.  Vast territories to explore and discover couples with numerous missions the Hero could take up aside from the main story line.  Even after beating the main stories in each game I found myself with so much I could continue to do including assassination missions, buying houses and businesses, having families and just going around fighting baddies.  I spent so much time just building up enough money to buy Bowerstone Castle in Fable II.  I bought both of the DLC expansions and completed those with a big smile on my face.

Ever since the announcement of Fable III I have long been waiting for more details on it.  I was not disappointed with the trailer that was unveiled at E3.  Details know are that you are the child of your character from the last game and must work your way to the throne and rule over Albion.  And of course in typical Fable fashion the means at which you use to get there are up to.  Do you do the right thing that is sometimes harder and with little reward or the wrong thing that can be easier and bring much in return?  Do you keep your Hero in shape or does he let himself go a bit?  The options are seemingly endless.

The second game that I am absolutely stoked for is Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood.  I’ve enjoyed both of it’s previous counterparts with few complaints.  I did feel fighting gets a little repetitive and the problem with not being able to swim in the first game was addressed in the second.  And much like the Fable games AC brought large expansive worlds for you to explore at your leisure and pace.  If haven’t picked up I am a pretty big fan of free roam sandbox games.  The graphics are amazing the the cut scenes breathtaking.  These games I believe continue to push the boundaries of more realistic looking games.  The trailer below is a cinematic and not actual game play but this is still ridiculously awesome.

The third game in the series offers many new weapons for the returning character, Ezio, to use as he kills his way through Rome.  But the biggest addition has to be the brotherhood of assassins at your side, hence the name.  This should make for even more fun in the game with the ability of  your friends to join you.

Yes the Halo: Reach game does have some really cool additions to it that I do want to check out like the ability to take control of a ship and the multi player campaign.  But I’m just not as into this franchise as I use to be.

It is always exciting when E3 comes around but even more exciting when they reveal details about something you have been waiting for.  E3 did that for me this year and just made me so anxious for the fourth quarter of 2010 to grab these awesome looking games.

Never fear, your hero (me) is still alive.  I just got back from vacation that lasted 10 days in the greatest state in the union, Pennsylvania.  You can’t debate it.  It is science.

I drank beer (lots actually).  Ate food (again a whole shit load).  Saw lots of my family.  All was pretty good except for the Flyers losing the Stanley Cup and the Phils playing like a bunch of slow pitch players.

I’ll get something written up soon to give you some enjoyment.

History was made last night as Roy Halladay led the future 2010 World Series Champion Philadelphia Phillies to a perfect game.  I’ve been saying this man is a machine for quite some time.  But I think only now is Halladay himself realizing this.  He must have had a close brush with a razor while shaving that revealed his true metal self in the cut.  Now he knows he can truly not be defeated.  Too bad for the Marlins they had to be the first victims of this discovery.

I don’t have a lot else to say other than it is only a matter of time before Doc is pitching every inning of every game for us.  He already pitches all innings in his loses.  Well those days are done.  The rest of the pitching staff will just sit back and watch as this man/machine takes over baseball.  Then after baseball, the world!

That question is both honest and rhetorical.  It’s honest because I have been so out of touch with music in the past almost three years that I barely know when bands I like put out new albums.  It’s rhetorical because I honestly don’t give a shit after the major disappointments of bands I was in previously.

To me music has always been about one thing, music.  Not a difficult concept to understand I know but a seemingly difficult concept to actually practice for many.  Everyday you can go on any music related website and read an interview with dozens of bands that will say the same thing or something eerily similar.  But is it true?

Music is as much a priority to bands today as helping our teachers get proper pay is a priority to society.  They both seem like great ideas but no one that has the power to do so is doing anything about it.  In recently years I have started seeing guys wear pants that would make their sisters pissed once they figured out it was actually their jeans they were wearing.  Make up and hair that looks like my friend’s 2 year old daughter cut are becoming the trends.  Musicianship is taking a back seat to looks once again.  Jeez people didn’t we learn anything from hair metal?

And when they are all done with their hair spray and the hour it took to fit into their jeans is it time to pick up the instruments?  Nope.  Because now you have to pimp out your MySpace page (haha people still use that) and book a tour.  Yeah because you’ve been a band for 3 weeks and know 5 songs (one being an awful cover), so why not tour?  Listen if you can’t draw anything but your parents and friends to your local shows then you have no business going on a tour.  You are wasting your own time but more importantly you are wasting other peoples’ time.  You waste the booker’s time that has to book you and try to promote a band that no one knows.  You waste a venue’s time that has to actually open for said nobodies.  And you waste the people who actually come to show’s time because they probably won’t like you anyway.  Once you can start making good draws in your own home town area then you can start talking tour.  Until then leave it to the bands that actually do tours for a living and don’t also work full time at McDonalds.

Okay now that we look fucking awesome and have this sweet tour booked maybe it’s time we picked up our instruments and practiced.  So are we going to make songs the challenge the listener and refuses to fit any mold?  Are we going to write music that we ourselves enjoy and can be proud of?  Fuck no!  Where’s the money and chicks in that?  Let’s write the most mind numbing and simplistic drool you have ever heard.  It is so simple that you will be reminded of like 20 other songs that sound just like it.  But you know what?  Those guys made it big so we should too.

Man if I had a bullet and a gun for every stupid chugga breakdown that I hear a bunch of adolescents playing I would….have a lot of bodies to worry about I guess.  While the palm muted breakdown can have it’s time and place it is hardly music by itself.  Yet there are still bands that go out there and have “songs” riddled with them.  You know why?  Because it’s fucking easy to do, especially if you are in a dropped tuning.  Then you don’t even have to hold any strings down to accomplish the sound.

One of the best bands I have ever had the pleasure of sharing a stage with was the Glasses Otter out of Miami, then Orlando.  They had the right attitude when it came to music.  They wrote for themselves and didn’t give a fuck what anyone thought about it.  They played their shows in front of crowds that never understood them.  I remember just seeing stupid scene kids’ faces and believing they were thinking to themselves, “When are they going to do a breakdown?  I really need to mosh and show people how awesome I am.”  And despite sometimes the smaller crowds than they deserved they kept on keeping on.  I’m honored to have been buddies with them and to have done some shows together.  They were the epitome of what a band should be doing to me.

But then couple all this with the never ending bullshit parade that I dealt with in bands and that will drive anyone to say fuck it.  Having to constantly play politics instead of instruments is never what a band is suppose to be but that’s what it always turned into.  I take an idea and certain direction I want to go and try to find the right people to accomplish my goal.  Sure those people say they think the same things as you at first but it always ends the same.  They enter, they corrupt, they destroy.  My dreams, my creation is then dead.

Am I bitter?  You’re damn right I am.  Was I a bit of a music snob?  Probably, but I think you should be with your creations.  You want it to be the best that you can do.  I will always be my worst critic and I am the only one I am trying to impress.  I’m not playing for fans.  I’m not playing for record contracts or fame.  I am playing music to make music that I believe is good.  Nothing the fuck else.  And when you kill my creations your damn right I’m going to be bitter.

It was this constant disappointment in mankind that led to my exodus from the music world.  I didn’t want to hear any new music anymore.  I just wanted to listen to the stuff I knew and loved.  Those would never change on me.  While maybe the band may have changed those albums and songs will always remain the same.

I barely pick up my guitars anymore.  Some days they look lonely and I go and strum away for a little while.  Sometimes I even write some cool little things.

My friend Lane has been trying to convince me to join a band with him.  I’m constantly pushing away.  Because of my extreme lust for perfection in my mind I don’t want to do to his band what was done to my dreams.  I won’t take away his direction and drive.  I admit I had this moment where I wanted to do it again but it has passed.  I’m perfectly fine saying I’ll never play music again.

So I know a lot of stuff has come out in three years but I’ll just stick to my guns.  Tom Waits, Botch, Coalesce, Iron & Wine, Lucero, Isis (who just recently broke up) and the all mighty Godspeed You Black Emperor.  Who really needs new music when you have all them?

About six years ago I came home one Wednesday night from band practice and saw my dad watching the season one finale of Lost.  I hadn’t seen a single episode but he had mentioned that it was interesting.  Not passing up the opportunity for a pun, I was lost.  But strangely intrigued.

When the DVDs came out I immediately bought them and watched every episode.  I knew I was watching something special.  Then when season two premiered, my dad and I sat down and watched together.  This is something that we did for the next five years every Wednesday, Thursday, Tuesday and one special Sunday until it was all over.

You see Lost has been more than just a TV show to me.  It was an experience and one that I got to share with my dad.  We never missed an episode after that point.  I was invited to numerous upon numerous events that I turned down in order to watch Lost with my dad.  Many people would ask, “Why don’t you DVR it?”  One, we don’t have DVR.  And two, this was to spend time with my good ol’ dad.  If you couldn’t understand that simplicity than you would have stood no chance with this show.

Flash forward to May 23, 2010 and the whole saga has been brought to a close.  As with any show or movie there is going to be unanswered questions.  They can’t possibly answer them all and still stick to the main story.  I know that and so should you.  I did have a few minor gripes with the finale but they are extremely minor in my opinion.

• The Man in Black’s Name – We never found out what his real name was.  Many internet rumors stated Esau for the religious connections as many things were on the show.  A single mentioning of his name would have been nice but it didn’t kill anything leaving it out.
• No Michael and Walt – One of the biggest absences from the finale were Michael and Walt.  Walt has been a question for years going back to season one.  Most specifically why he was taken and why is he so special.  None of this was ever directly answered but the fact that many other character find or develop special powers (Desmond’s time traveling, Hurley and Miles’ communications with the dead)  just kind of put’s him with the rest of the bunch.  He was just seemingly the first one to find his powers.

And at of all of that those are the only things I was missing when the finale was over.  No much at all huh?  But again not everything is going to be answered.  Some things just are they way they are and don’t need to be explained so in depth.  In Star Wars do you question what midi-chlorians are?  How exactly is a light saber constructed to be able to allow the light to stop at a certain point?  There is being a geek and there is being obsessed.  While logically yes everything has a purpose this is entertainment and a sci-fi drama at that.  You can’t expect that everything this is going to make logical sense.  Now back to the episode itself.

What it did do was complete the story that begun with the characters all coming to this island for a reason.  They were all similar.  They were at horrible points in their lives and never quite felt that they had someone in their lives.  The island gave them something to feel important about.  It allowed them to be everything that they knew deep inside that they were capable of.

Jack assumed it rightful spot as the leader and did exactly what he needed to do.  Sometimes the leader must die to be a true hero and Jack realized that.  He sacrificed himself for the survival of others.

Ben was redeemed once and for all by Hurley being what he was always good at, looking out for other people.  Hurley becoming the new protector and Ben being his number two was a very memorable moment.

Then the whole “flash sideways” timeline was the cherry on top of the sundae.  Each moment of their awakenings was more heart grasping than the last.  Seeing each character remember their lives with each other really brought you full circle on these characters you grew to love over the six years.  And it all culminated with Jack’s awakening and the over all reveal that this wasn’t really a flash sideways but was their lives after death.

The writers have been saying for years that the survivors are all very much alive on the island and they didn’t go back on their words there.  They all lived out their lives exactly how they needed to and once they were all dead they came back together to remember their times spent in life and with each other.

It only made sense that Jack was the last one to let go and realize what is going on as he was seemingly the last one to do so in life with the island.  But the moment of all these characters gathering together and smiling and being with the ones that they loved the most was a truly awe inspiring moment that was only beat out by the last scene that ended in the exact way that it started.  Jack laying in the bamboo, Vincent finds him but this time his eyes close instead of open.

Now I know some people didn’t like the finale and a lot of people didn’t like the show in general.  To me these people are just too simple minded.  So many people like their stories all neat and tied up at the end of each 30 or 60 minute episode.  Some stories are not simple to be done so.  You know what other story took six years to tell?  Star Wars.  And you don’t see all the up in arms people about that.  Maybe there are people that just like Star Wars because it was cool to do so and not because they actually enjoyed the story.

Lost’s story is right up there with the Wars in my opinion.  And if you know me you know I am all about the Wars.  They were both a story about people.  People searching for their purpose in life.  They all had bumps along the way but they ultimately got there.

Look I know everyone is not going to enjoy everything but don’t knock something you don’t understand.  So you don’t understand advanced and intricate story telling, that’s fine.  But you can’t then bash something that you’ve never truly watched.  Just say you didn’t understand.  It’s better to just be dumb in that situation that totally ignorant by then trying to say it was an awful story when you didn’t even know what it was about.  If you want to say that Lost was awful and you never even completed the story than I might as well call the Harry Potter books and movies awful as well despite I never read a single book and only saw a couple movies.  See how dumb that sounds?

I’m even fine with you just saying you didn’t like it.  Sci-fi dramas are not for everyone.  But don’t say it was bad just because you didn’t like it.  You didn’t see the whole thing.  You have no idea of the character and story progression.  To take a line from another great movie, “You’re like a little child that wanders in during the middle of a movie.”  You have no say if you only watched a few episodes.  Hell even if you watched an entire season or two.

How about you stick to your amazingly simply shows that you don’t have to rack your brain about and us that like to have more minds challenged will have our shows.  Seems fair?  Okay.

But overall it’s hard to believe the whole thing is over.  It will be odd for a while knowing it’s not coming back next January or February but it will pass.  Plus I have the DVDs to where I can always relive the story again.  But I think it was ended in a beautiful and nearly perfect manner.  And more specifically it was ended on the writers’ terms.  They weren’t rushed to try to close things up with an early cancellation.  And they were forced to try to extend it past it’s time by greedy TV execs that wanted the ratings.

The story concluded, the main characters were happy and the all is well.  It was shot and scored beautifully.  And I do feel complete in regards to the story.  It is one of the best stories I’ve ever seen and the finale will go down as probably the best I have ever seen.  Namaste.

If you surf around the internet you are bound to come across this popular tag.

***SPOILER ALERT***

This usually means if you do not want to know the results of something, be it a sporting event or TV or something, do not read this.  But I think some people have taken this to far.  I see people getting mad when results of something are posted online saying that they were spoiled.  But in my mind you have no reason to be mad if the event has already aired on TV.

I honestly saw someone get pissed at Yahoo for posting the results of a sporting event that happened and aired the night before.  They are a news site!  That’s their job.  Also I see people on Twitter posting stuff like, “Stop spoiling Lost people, I’m not watching.”  That’s not a spoiler.  It’s happening and airing right then and there.  If you don’t want to know what is happening or has happened stay off the internet.

To show my point a little further I have made this simple drawings.  Here is what a real spoiler is.

Makes sense right.  The show hasn’t aired yet and your “buddy” has just told you want is going to happen.  What a douche.  But here is an example of a non spoiler.

Now this time the show has already aired on TV.  The papers and online media are talking about it.  But you didn’t see it.  These are not spoilers, they are the news and the talk of the town now.  While it may be inconsiderate of your “buddy” this time to say it, especially if he knew you didn’t see it, he is not the problem.  You only have yourself to blame for not seeing it.  If you really wanted to see it that bad you would have done what you needed to in order to see it.

So stop saying that you are being spoiled on something that has already aired.  If you don’t want to know what happened then don’t go online, don’t talk to people, don’t leave your house.  Now that I think of it, please do that anyway.  I don’t want to see or hear from you.

It’s that time of year again to where TV big wigs decide what to keep and what needs to be sent out to pasture.  I am normally one of the people that is totally against some of the shows being cut because execs have no clue what real good TV is.  I will stand my ground by saying that whoever at Fox kept fucking with Arrested Development when it was on, and then ultimately killed, seriously had the IQ of an 8 year old and probably still wet his bed.  But this year there are some cuts that were a long time in the making.

• Scrubs – I loved this show.  Every character had a special place in your heart and you truly felt connected to them, even Dr. Cox.  And after a heart felt and tear inducing finale last season it felt like it was concluded int he right way.  Oh but no we get another season of Scrubs: Med School with all these new characters that just come off as annoying little rich kids.  I can’t say that I liked a single one of these characters.  Then the main characters that actually came back seemed to struggle trying to put these kids over as the new main cast.  I didn’t work.  Low and behold Scrubs is now gone but not as it should be.  This season should have never happened and I feel it hurt the absolutely brilliant finale from last year and makes it not as special.  Fuck man, Zach should have just said no.
• Heroes – Season 2 of this was cut short by the strike.  Season 3 bored me and after the first 3 episodes of this past season I gave up.  This season just plain old jumped the shark, or maybe flew over the shark.  They kept on adding more characters that really had no connection with the viewers over time.  But the biggest disappointment was the path of Sylar.  At one point he was one of the most demented and intriguing antagonists on TV and just became a shell of himself to which he never truly recovered.  He kept flip flopping between good and evil and it just pissed me off.  He was a evil mofo so he should have been left as such.

But I can’t say that there aren’t a couple shows that were canceled that I did indeed like.  I really enjoyed Better Off Ted but ABC really didn’t give it any push in advertising.  It had it’s hardcore niche viewership and that helped them get renewed for the second season but ratings just weren’t what they wanted so it was cut.  It sucks because it was a funny and witty comedy but again ABC just didn’t seem to care enough to let people know it was on.

Another one left back by ABC is the drama FlashForward.  You could tell from the start that ABC wanted to build this as the new big suspense drama to take the place of Lost, which finishes up this coming Sunday.  The first group of episodes were really good and left you with a number of questions as Lost did along with building each characters’ story.  Then it went on hiatus for a long period of time.  By the time it was brought back people lost interest or probably didn’t even know it was back.  Again ABC didn’t like the ratings so it gets hacked.

And this just brings me back full circle to what I call one of the worst moves in TV history, canceling Arrested Development.  This was one of the best written shows in history.  The actors portrayed their characters so well that I can’t look at any of them without thinking of them as Bluths.

Over it’s three seasons of life on Fox the show’s staff and actors were nominated for a number of awards, many of which it won.  But Fox in all it’s infinite power decided to play the guess which nut shell the ball is under by switching the show to numerous different nights and times.  Thus giving it no chance of establishing an audience that knew when the show was on.  Fox you really blue yourself on that one.

Damn you Fox, now you got me all pissed off.  I started this out kind of light hearted but thinking back to that all over again just grinds my gears (You know that’s another show of yours right?).

And that reminds me.  You fuck with Arrested Development but you continue to keep this American Dad and Cleveland Show garbage on?  Look I know Family Guy is your golden child, even though you screwed them over the same way before, but does Seth McFarlane have that much control over you?  Does he get daily hand jobs from Fox execs too?  You know he probably knows he’s giving you guys crap shows but you owe him so much for being wrong about Family Guy that he knows he can get away with it.

Next up from Seth McFarlane is a show about a turd in a brown bag that makes jokes.  It will be apart of the new Sunday Animation Domination next fall.  Doesn’t that sound awesome?

Look Seth we get it, you can make Fox do whatever you want.  Now just call off your dogs and release your Force Choke you have on Sunday nights.  Will it help if I say please?  I’ll even add pretty please with sugar on top.  You like sugar don’t you Seth?

So yeah, two shows placed to rest that needed to be and then two that probably didn’t need to be.  Then add anger at Fox for Arrested Development still and you have my angry little rant on TV shows entering the final weeks of the spring seasons.

Travel Channel has this show on now called America’s Worst Driver.  I can’t say I have ever watched it because I have to live with real life contestants every day.  Every time I go out to drive somewhere I feel like I have to stop by my parents’ house to kiss them and say goodbye because it could seriously be my last time seeing them.

I’ve been pretty much up and down the eastern seaboard and never seen such reckless and just flat out stupid driving maneuvers as I do down here.  And believe me it isn’t just excessive speeding.  Here are some of the things I have seen just this past week.

• Someone cut 3 lanes of traffic on I-95 without a blinker or braking to get off at an exit.
• Flashed the high beams for going the speed limit in a residential neighborhood.
• A left hand turn made from a straight lane.

And you know the worst thing of this?  It’s fucking addictive!  I have caught myself make stupid decisions plenty of times and I like to think I’m a pretty good driver.  I stop and say to myself “What the fuck was I just thinking there?”  A couple years ago when I was visiting Pennsylvania I noticed how much the driving down here has consumed me as I found myself driving like an asshole on 95 up there.  Again I was taken back by my actions as I rolled down my window and apologized to the city of Philadelphia.  I think they accepted it.

I know people are quick to blame the old people down here for it.  While yes they drive extremely slow in their boats of cars and park in the occasional lake it isn’t just them.  It is everyone.  It’s teens, middle aged people and foreigners alike.  I have no idea how many minivans with kids in them I see just weaving their way through traffic.  You deserve your kids being taken away from you.  And that sort of thing coming from me is a big deal.

So what the fuck is it that causes this here?  Is it the extreme heat?  Can’t be, there is heat everywhere and not everyone feels the need die in fiery wreaks.  The water?  While the water is bad here it shouldn’t have any hallucinogenic effects on people to believe that other cars are mutated aliens from Saturn that can only be stopped by applying your bumper to them at high rates of speed.  I just don’t know and that pisses me off more.  I hate not knowing why something is the way it is.

So while I guess I’m going to have to deal with that as the reason for now I leave you  saying this.  Get your head or whatever it is that you have up your ass out of you asses and drive responsibly people.  Otherwise when I finally get the grasp of that Force push you all are going down.